Our Love Is Selfish and Futile

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Recently God has been dealing with me about my expectations of others, and how I demonstrate love. It was a harsh reality, but hey when God is ready to change your heart, it’s an honor. A really good friend of mines mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and of course it’s been really hard for him. A few days prior to her condition being confirmed he expressed needing my support, and asked if I could come visit (4 hour drive). I was ecstatic because I felt he needed me, therefore, I made tentative arrangements. Well, a day before I was due to arrive, he called and told me that he’ll let me know when it’ll be a good time for me to come because this was not the right time. My feelings were crushed. I had so many negative thoughts going through my mind “How dare he deny me the option to be there for him, and I’m the one willing to drive out of my way to allow him the pleasure of crying on my shoulder.” I guess you can tell from my reaction that this is not “just a friend.” If it was, I would’ve accepted the change of plans, without any 2nd thought, and waited for his call to reschedule.

Sometimes I can think too hard, and be vocal about my feelings, so I’ve vowed to myself that I will never let anyone but God see me sweat. If I have an issue, I talk to Him about it, and I wait for His response. In the middle of my complaining, I hear “love does not demand its own way.” Immediately I begin to cry because I was not considerate of my friend’s crisis; I was more concerned with feeling rejected. I made his decision to cancel about me, and not him. That was demanding my own way. God then replayed more situations similar to this, and I was ashamed!! There have been so many times in my life that I have only thought about me, and not the needs of others, or God’s will for that matter.  

If I can learn to walk in God’s love, it will diminish all my fears, and keep me in His will. I’m taking things one day at a time, but my desire for the New Year above all else is to allow Him to occupy the space in my heart that rightfully belongs to Him. I’ve lived my life to the fullest (LOL), and now it’s time for Him. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him, I am everything.

Happy New Year Everyone!

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