Faith or Fear

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, but life has become hectic! However, in the midst of my chaos I met a man, and he demonstrates all of the attributes that I’ve prayed for. We met the old-fashioned way, in a grocery store. He approached me like a gentleman, and to make a long story short, we’re now dating. And get this, he does not want to be intimate until marriage. Jackpot! I told God that in order for me to remain celibate, I need a man who understands and respects my choice to walk in obedience. I’m just being honest! Now one might say,” girl you have found the perfect mate, Boaz”, but I don’t know about that because I don’t feel a bit of attraction for him. When he touches me I cringe, literally. Maybe because he’s fifteen years older than me, and a little on the soft side. Instead of him watching football, he would prefer a love story.

I also observed how he treats other people, and he’s a little on the mean side. He also expressed to me that as a child, nobody ever demonstrated love to him, a very challenging childhood. So the reason he loves hard, and sometimes loses himself in relationships is because he’s looking for reciprocation. That is a red flag for me because I think his behavior is not genuine, but a façade to mask the hurt. Am I over analyzing things because of my fear of marrying the wrong person, and being stuck? Is it discernment or skepticism?

Some cultures arrange marriages, and it’s obvious these are not always perfect matches. They’re not instantly in love, but they eventually fall in love. Are these people happy, or just tolerant? I have never allowed a relationship to progress if there was no chemistry or connection. However, that was before Christ. I want to believe this was a divine connection, but how do I know that for sure? Am I walking in fear or faith?

God Blocked It!!!!

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks with my mind inundated on a person that I know was not God’s will for my life. Of course I thought if I prayed and continued to believe that God would “fix” the situation, and all things would work out for my good (Romans 8:28 ESV). It’s amazing how when desperation consumes us that we attempt to apply scripture to work for our benefit. I knew that scripture did not apply to my insanity, but I wanted there to be a light at the end of the tunnel. However, God seen totally different. The person I was dating decided he did not want a commitment, but expected for me to wait until he did. Since he was not ready to fully commit his life to God as I have, he didn’t agree with my standards. This rejection had me at a place that I was willing to compromise. Usually I consult God about everything, I never want to be out of His will. However, I was so overwhelmed with desire that I did not want to pray about it because I was not ready to face the truth.

One day I was sitting at my desk, and I could not focus! I felt like I was about to lose my mind. The thought of him was all that I could think of. “I can’t believe that he does not want to commit to me? I have everything going for myself, is he crazy! He’ll never find anyone like me. Maybe if I give him something he can feel, his mind will change.” I was thinking like a woman who was not saved by His grace. I was almost willing to turn my back on God to get what I felt was rightfully mine. The devil is a lie. We are Princesses of a King, and we never have to beg anyone to come nor stay! Anyway, as much as I did not want to pray about this, I did, I needed His strength in my very weak moment. Immediately after I cried out, I felt freedom as never before. The bondage was broke, and my blinded eyes were open. I compare this trial to a baby getting ready to touch a fire, and a parent rescuing them right before they get burnt. He not only pulled me out of the situation, He patted me on my tail and said “I pulled you out, now don’t go back.” When God removes you from a situation, you know it’s Him because there’s a sense of peace, and relief. The guy that I was communicating with no longer calls my phone or texts me, and I don’t’ have any desire to reach out to him. I’m thankful for God intervening as only He could. I am so, so grateful because there is no way that I could have done it on my own.

I am a very private person, but this experience was for God’s glory, and my good. So keeping it to myself was not an option. Ladies or gentlemen, if you are struggling in this area, please pray and believe. When I tell you that I feel liberated, it’s an understatement. I have cut relationships on my own, but to have God to do it is a different experience. He loves us that much to save us from harm. “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10 ESV). My sincere prayer is that God will not allow anymore distractions in my life, I never want to go through this again!! It’s time to focus on His Kingdom, and not my desires. It’s easy to lose focus if your mind is not set on His purpose. “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33 ESV). That’s a promise that He made to us, so let’s have faith, and trust that the mate that God has for us, He’ll add them in due season.

Please pray for me, and I’m praying for you :). I pray that my testimony will be a blessing to you. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Talk to you soon!

L.W.

Abstaining is not easy!!!

Now this an extremely difficult subject to discuss in the Christian community, but I’m going to do my best to be open and transparent.

What I have learned from some of my sisters and brothers in Christ is that not everyone is convicted about having sexual intercourse outside of marriage. I wish this was not the thorn in my side at times because it’s really hard to believe that in this day and age, a man would be willing to wait for marriage to be intimate with a woman. Most men are extremely terrified to discuss marriage! So when you put marriage and no sex in the same sentence, this is grounds for dismissal. Now how do I know this? It’s because I have met a lot of great men and when I tell them that I am celibate, they look at me like the sky is falling right before their eyes! Or some say that it’s great that I have morals and they admire me for waiting, however, it’s not an endeavor that they’re looking to achieve. For the most part, I respect when somebody is honest about not being able to hold out but on the other hand it’s very discouraging. Especially when you know that other Christians are not abstaining and are recently engaged or married. I can’t help but to wonder if they felt like I did every time I slipped, fell and bumped my head, against the headboard!! For me it’s the most horrible conviction ever, it’s so bad that after the act, I can literally scream at the top of my lungs “HELP ME JESUS” and not care who hears me. I can’t pray, raise my hands in worship or have a sincere conversation about the greatness of God. Yes, it’s that bad! Then I have to break it off with the person I committed the act with to prevent from making the same mistake continuously. The sad part is I leave him feeling confused and rejected because of my indiscretion. Then the conversation has to take place, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I was celibate for close to five years without falling into temptation and that’s because I was not seriously dating anyone. The problem began when I fell in love with someone and we started spending a lot of time together. He was really patient for the first couple of months but then I could tell by his behavior that it was becoming more difficult for him to sustain. It was like watching a kid resist candy. It’s much easier to live a fornication free life if you don’t have someone close to your heart. We as women are nurturing by nature and if we meet a man that shows us genuine interest and he possesses all or some of the qualities that we desire to have in a husband, we want to reciprocate our love physically. Let me stop speaking of women in general, because this may not pertain to all. However, if this applies to you, I know your pain! Breaking a soul tie is not easy!

I would rather wait for God to send me a mate who respect and understands my position than to deal with the guilty pleasure. For those of you who are struggling with this issue, we really need to be honest with ourselves as to why we are abstaining. Is it because of a bad relationship? To feel liberated? To feel in control? Whatever the reason maybe it’s irrelevant if you’re not doing it out of obedience for God or because you respect the Spirit that dwells on the inside of you.

Do you believe in abstaining and if so what keeps you from falling into temptation?

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB 1 Corinthians 6:19

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” KJV Galatians 6:9