Now this an extremely difficult subject to discuss in the Christian community, but I’m going to do my best to be open and transparent.

What I have learned from some of my sisters and brothers in Christ is that not everyone is convicted about having sexual intercourse outside of marriage. I wish this was not the thorn in my side at times because it’s really hard to believe that in this day and age, a man would be willing to wait for marriage to be intimate with a woman. Most men are extremely terrified to discuss marriage! So when you put marriage and no sex in the same sentence, this is grounds for dismissal. Now how do I know this? It’s because I have met a lot of great men and when I tell them that I am celibate, they look at me like the sky is falling right before their eyes! Or some say that it’s great that I have morals and they admire me for waiting, however, it’s not an endeavor that they’re looking to achieve. For the most part, I respect when somebody is honest about not being able to hold out but on the other hand it’s very discouraging. Especially when you know that other Christians are not abstaining and are recently engaged or married. I can’t help but to wonder if they felt like I did every time I slipped, fell and bumped my head, against the headboard!! For me it’s the most horrible conviction ever, it’s so bad that after the act, I can literally scream at the top of my lungs “HELP ME JESUS” and not care who hears me. I can’t pray, raise my hands in worship or have a sincere conversation about the greatness of God. Yes, it’s that bad! Then I have to break it off with the person I committed the act with to prevent from making the same mistake continuously. The sad part is I leave him feeling confused and rejected because of my indiscretion. Then the conversation has to take place, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I was celibate for close to five years without falling into temptation and that’s because I was not seriously dating anyone. The problem began when I fell in love with someone and we started spending a lot of time together. He was really patient for the first couple of months but then I could tell by his behavior that it was becoming more difficult for him to sustain. It was like watching a kid resist candy. It’s much easier to live a fornication free life if you don’t have someone close to your heart. We as women are nurturing by nature and if we meet a man that shows us genuine interest and he possesses all or some of the qualities that we desire to have in a husband, we want to reciprocate our love physically. Let me stop speaking of women in general, because this may not pertain to all. However, if this applies to you, I know your pain! Breaking a soul tie is not easy!

I would rather wait for God to send me a mate who respect and understands my position than to deal with the guilty pleasure. For those of you who are struggling with this issue, we really need to be honest with ourselves as to why we are abstaining. Is it because of a bad relationship? To feel liberated? To feel in control? Whatever the reason maybe it’s irrelevant if you’re not doing it out of obedience for God or because you respect the Spirit that dwells on the inside of you.

Do you believe in abstaining and if so what keeps you from falling into temptation?

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB 1 Corinthians 6:19

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” KJV Galatians 6:9