To Win, You Can’t Be Afraid To Lose

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When you form a true love and appreciation for the person you are, you’ll never go above and beyond to please anyone just to keep them engaged. When we’re insecure, and lack confidence in the wonderful person God created us to be, we compromise ourselves and our happiness. We say yes, when the answer should be no. We conceal our true feelings in an effort to avoid conflict, we stop thinking logical and allow our emotions to rule and reign. We put the needs of others above our very own. All of these sacrifices only lead to resentment and unhappiness. What eventually happens is you create an unhealthy relationship with unrealistic expectations. The person is not interested in who you are but what you can do. And you can’t criticize what you’ve created!

Here’s the deal: the only way you’re going to keep a relationship is by not being afraid to lose it and knowing that life goes on if you do. When we hold on too tight to anything, we eventually get tired because it’s uncomfortable! And if you’re scared about someone leaving, you’re doing a lot (sexually, monetary, errands, embellishing the truth) because of fear and that means that your actions are not genuine. How long can you conceal your true feelings without eventually exploding or becoming needy? Not too long.

I’ve been that girl that fell in lust, (can’t say love) with a guy who kept me in limbo. Not knowing if we’re a couple or friends. It drove me insane, the agony of not knowing. I would give him all of the benefits of a WIFE and I wasn’t even his girlfriend. Until one day I discussed my issue with a very wise woman and she told me “if that man wanted you, you wouldn’t have to guess who you were in his life, he would be showing you.” I never gave him a chance to show me anything because I was too busy trying to be two steps ahead. I was exhausted! You hear me, exhausted from walking on eggshells. I had to let go to keep my sanity. I no longer cared about our status. Guess what eventually happened? You got it! He started holding on, and because I gave him too much of me, I was no longer interested in him. I resented him for making me wait too long. Lol.

If you’re holding on because of fear, believe me I understand. Just let go, and let things happen naturally. I know this is a cliche but what’s meant, will be. Fear will also steer your thoughts in the wrong direction, and have you second guessing yourself or over analyzing EVERYTHING. Spell it with me, T O R T U R E. It’s not worth it my love. I had to learn the hard way but you don’t.  Just chill and relax, and give Jesus the wheel because you can’t drive. Lol.

Love you immensely,

Mecca Lasha

Be Grateful In Your Current Status

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When I talk to my single friends they want to be married, and the married ones want to be single!!! My gosh, is anyone really content with their circumstances? For me as a single women there are times that I get lonely, and wonder when or if marriage is for me, again. I feel that I’m ready to be a wife and support the man that God has for me. However, I get really discouraged when I find myself counseling my married friends to remain faithful and steadfast. Are all marriages eventually tumultuous or displeasing? That just can’t be so! Somebody has to be happy!! Or is it that their perception of marriage is convoluted? Here’s the deal, I’m convinced that people expect the world to change once they say “I do.” It’s a misconception that marriage means “now you owe me something.” Therefore, when their spouse don’t live up to that expectation, disappointment evolves and resentment spreads like a wildfire!

Could it be that the unreasonable expectation of marriage is derived from being a selfish single person? Hmmmm. Based on the conversations that I have with the majority of my single friends, they’re all waiting for that one special person to come along and fill that emptiness inside. Most of them are also preparing for marriage as a sign of hope (wedding dress, venue, cake and their ideal wedding ring). I understand the bible tells us that we need to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), but it also teaches us not to be anxious for anything ( Philippians 4:6). Therefore, when there are great expectations prior to the nuptials, it only intensifies when marriage becomes reality.

Whatever your status is, married or single, learn to be grateful and content. Marriage is about giving and not looking to receive. So don’t assume for one second that it’s easy. I know that’s a hard thought to swallow for some but it’s necessary to have a successful marriage. Singleness is a time to give God all of you. Yep, ALL of you and not just on Sunday. Both statuses are a ministry and ministry equals serving.

I’m preaching to the choir because my prayer today is that God help me to be content as a single woman, and teach me to give without expecting anything in return. That hasn’t always been my desire because I felt my ex-husband didn’t live up to my standards; therefore I divorced him. Now that I know better, I don’t plan to make that same mistake. No way!!!!

Please, please, please become whole with God, and have a heart to give without expectations before you consider getting married. This will prevent a lot of disappointments. Trust me.

God loves you & me too!

Mecca Lasha

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭11-13‬ NASB)

Your past is a blessing, not a curse!!

Philippians 3:13
“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

Girlfriend, please stop allowing your past dictate your future! You may have had a challenging child hood that you are too embarrassed to discuss, or even an abusive marriage. You may not believe this but because of what you had to endure made you the strong person that you are today. Use it as a stepping stool to your future, and by no means allow it to negate you from advancing forward in life. The enemy comes to steel, kill and destroy. If he could, he would stunt your growth by using your past as a weapon.

We as women will allow ourselves to feel inadequate and unworthy because of where we came from. Afraid to love someone whose background does not look like ours and we wonder why we keep getting the same negative results when it comes to a relationship. It’s a comfort zone, and we find it easier to settle than to expect what we deserve. Once you let go of past regrets, and realize that your steps were order for whatever road you have to take, then you’ll have a clear understanding of what you deserve, happiness. Tribulation was only allowed to make you strong. Use that strength to make wise decisions.

Once upon a time, I only accepted men whom were either from low income households (I’m just saying) or either less educated, because they looked like where I came from. The only thing I received from these men was a low credit score and a broken heart! Unfortunately, I accepted this treatment because I didn’t know or want any better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stereo typing anyone because those were my circumstances, I’m only making the point that you get what you feel you deserve. Anytime I dated anyone outside of what I was familiar with, I would not have any attraction to that man. He would either be too nice or intimidating. If he wasn’t defined as a bad guy, I didn’t have any clue on how to relate! Now that I look back, I was a mess! Thank God for second chances!

Since I know and respect who I am today; I know exactly what I want and deserve. It feels so good to have some reasonable “GODLY” standards! The God in me will not accept someone that is not in agreement with who I am trying to become. I say trying, because I am a work in progress. My Pastor preached a profound message today on this very subject and the one thing that I must share is this: “instead of trying to find the one, focus on becoming the one that you want to attract.” You have work to do ladies, so get to it! Relinquish your past and embrace today and tomorrow.