To Win, You Can’t Be Afraid To Lose

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When you form a true love and appreciation for the person you are, you’ll never go above and beyond to please anyone just to keep them engaged. When we’re insecure, and lack confidence in the wonderful person God created us to be, we compromise ourselves and our happiness. We say yes, when the answer should be no. We conceal our true feelings in an effort to avoid conflict, we stop thinking logical and allow our emotions to rule and reign. We put the needs of others above our very own. All of these sacrifices only lead to resentment and unhappiness. What eventually happens is you create an unhealthy relationship with unrealistic expectations. The person is not interested in who you are but what you can do. And you can’t criticize what you’ve created!

Here’s the deal: the only way you’re going to keep a relationship is by not being afraid to lose it and knowing that life goes on if you do. When we hold on too tight to anything, we eventually get tired because it’s uncomfortable! And if you’re scared about someone leaving, you’re doing a lot (sexually, monetary, errands, embellishing the truth) because of fear and that means that your actions are not genuine. How long can you conceal your true feelings without eventually exploding or becoming needy? Not too long.

I’ve been that girl that fell in lust, (can’t say love) with a guy who kept me in limbo. Not knowing if we’re a couple or friends. It drove me insane, the agony of not knowing. I would give him all of the benefits of a WIFE and I wasn’t even his girlfriend. Until one day I discussed my issue with a very wise woman and she told me “if that man wanted you, you wouldn’t have to guess who you were in his life, he would be showing you.” I never gave him a chance to show me anything because I was too busy trying to be two steps ahead. I was exhausted! You hear me, exhausted from walking on eggshells. I had to let go to keep my sanity. I no longer cared about our status. Guess what eventually happened? You got it! He started holding on, and because I gave him too much of me, I was no longer interested in him. I resented him for making me wait too long. Lol.

If you’re holding on because of fear, believe me I understand. Just let go, and let things happen naturally. I know this is a cliche but what’s meant, will be. Fear will also steer your thoughts in the wrong direction, and have you second guessing yourself or over analyzing EVERYTHING. Spell it with me, T O R T U R E. It’s not worth it my love. I had to learn the hard way but you don’t.  Just chill and relax, and give Jesus the wheel because you can’t drive. Lol.

Love you immensely,

Mecca Lasha

Be Grateful In Your Current Status

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When I talk to my single friends they want to be married, and the married ones want to be single!!! My gosh, is anyone really content with their circumstances? For me as a single women there are times that I get lonely, and wonder when or if marriage is for me, again. I feel that I’m ready to be a wife and support the man that God has for me. However, I get really discouraged when I find myself counseling my married friends to remain faithful and steadfast. Are all marriages eventually tumultuous or displeasing? That just can’t be so! Somebody has to be happy!! Or is it that their perception of marriage is convoluted? Here’s the deal, I’m convinced that people expect the world to change once they say “I do.” It’s a misconception that marriage means “now you owe me something.” Therefore, when their spouse don’t live up to that expectation, disappointment evolves and resentment spreads like a wildfire!

Could it be that the unreasonable expectation of marriage is derived from being a selfish single person? Hmmmm. Based on the conversations that I have with the majority of my single friends, they’re all waiting for that one special person to come along and fill that emptiness inside. Most of them are also preparing for marriage as a sign of hope (wedding dress, venue, cake and their ideal wedding ring). I understand the bible tells us that we need to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), but it also teaches us not to be anxious for anything ( Philippians 4:6). Therefore, when there are great expectations prior to the nuptials, it only intensifies when marriage becomes reality.

Whatever your status is, married or single, learn to be grateful and content. Marriage is about giving and not looking to receive. So don’t assume for one second that it’s easy. I know that’s a hard thought to swallow for some but it’s necessary to have a successful marriage. Singleness is a time to give God all of you. Yep, ALL of you and not just on Sunday. Both statuses are a ministry and ministry equals serving.

I’m preaching to the choir because my prayer today is that God help me to be content as a single woman, and teach me to give without expecting anything in return. That hasn’t always been my desire because I felt my ex-husband didn’t live up to my standards; therefore I divorced him. Now that I know better, I don’t plan to make that same mistake. No way!!!!

Please, please, please become whole with God, and have a heart to give without expectations before you consider getting married. This will prevent a lot of disappointments. Trust me.

God loves you & me too!

Mecca Lasha

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭11-13‬ NASB)

He Is Jealous For You

You love him so much. He’s the only guy that makes you feel a certain type of way. It’s different, right? When you wake up, he’s on your mind. Before you go to sleep, he’s on your mind. Oh let’s not forget you can see spending forever with him. You cook for him, wash his cloths, grocery shop and make his favorite dish. If he calls, you answer on the first or second ring. Your calendar is always open for him. There are no boundaries because he’s your man, and if you don’t another woman will, right? When it comes to love-making, he’s the best and no other man can compare. “No” is not a word that he hears from you because that’s your boo, right?

At times you feel like he takes you for granted. He don’t go out of his way for you, like you do for him, hmmm. Ambiguous! His words don’t quite align with his actions, but he’s trying, right? And don’t let him take forever to respond to your text or don’t answer your call. Your day is ruined and attitude is jacked! You can’t focus. But when you do finally hear from him, you’re on cloud nine, right?

How do I know all of this because I was that girl honey! I gave my “ALL” to someone who was not my husband. I made him number one in my life and he didn’t earn that position. I placed myself and others on the back burner while “I” pursued my hearts desire. Oh yes, I also placed him before God! Yep, I did. I made him an idol by placing him in God’s position. I knew I was wrong, I stopped spending time with God. My prayers became vague, drive by prayers “thank you Lord for another day.” Pitiful! There’s more to this story but the end results was this man cheated on me! Broke my heart into a million pieces. The pain was nothing I had ever experienced. I cried, questioned myself, resented him and lost 15 lbs from not eating! That actually was a good thing. Ha!

One day I was crying from my core and God told me “I am a jealous God, and you will have no other gods before me.” “Huh, what Lord?” I was confused. I wasn’t worshipping a statue or anything. Immediately, every situation that I placed this man before God flashed before my eyes. Astounded! I repented and made a promise to NEVER allow myself to ever repeat that mistake again. I gave him all of me, and now he’s gone but Jesus never left me. Wow! Nobody is worth His position; especially someone who didn’t make a vow to me. Technically he didn’t owe me faithfulness, and neither does your boyfriend. Truth hurts, I know.

I truly pray that my testimony helps someone because in the end that relationship that’s outside of God’s will is not going to evolve. However, it can change if you walk in obedience, and ask God to heal your fear of losing and being rejected. Because that’s the root of why a man would be placed on a pedestal before he has earned that position. Now, think ladies, who would you prefer being separated from? Man or God? The choice is yours.

May God bless and lead you always!

Mecca Lasha

You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. Exodus 34:14 NLT

Faith or Fear

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, but life has become hectic! However, in the midst of my chaos I met a man, and he demonstrates all of the attributes that I’ve prayed for. We met the old-fashioned way, in a grocery store. He approached me like a gentleman, and to make a long story short, we’re now dating. And get this, he does not want to be intimate until marriage. Jackpot! I told God that in order for me to remain celibate, I need a man who understands and respects my choice to walk in obedience. I’m just being honest! Now one might say,” girl you have found the perfect mate, Boaz”, but I don’t know about that because I don’t feel a bit of attraction for him. When he touches me I cringe, literally. Maybe because he’s fifteen years older than me, and a little on the soft side. Instead of him watching football, he would prefer a love story.

I also observed how he treats other people, and he’s a little on the mean side. He also expressed to me that as a child, nobody ever demonstrated love to him, a very challenging childhood. So the reason he loves hard, and sometimes loses himself in relationships is because he’s looking for reciprocation. That is a red flag for me because I think his behavior is not genuine, but a façade to mask the hurt. Am I over analyzing things because of my fear of marrying the wrong person, and being stuck? Is it discernment or skepticism?

Some cultures arrange marriages, and it’s obvious these are not always perfect matches. They’re not instantly in love, but they eventually fall in love. Are these people happy, or just tolerant? I have never allowed a relationship to progress if there was no chemistry or connection. However, that was before Christ. I want to believe this was a divine connection, but how do I know that for sure? Am I walking in fear or faith?

God Blocked It!!!!

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks with my mind inundated on a person that I know was not God’s will for my life. Of course I thought if I prayed and continued to believe that God would “fix” the situation, and all things would work out for my good (Romans 8:28 ESV). It’s amazing how when desperation consumes us that we attempt to apply scripture to work for our benefit. I knew that scripture did not apply to my insanity, but I wanted there to be a light at the end of the tunnel. However, God seen totally different. The person I was dating decided he did not want a commitment, but expected for me to wait until he did. Since he was not ready to fully commit his life to God as I have, he didn’t agree with my standards. This rejection had me at a place that I was willing to compromise. Usually I consult God about everything, I never want to be out of His will. However, I was so overwhelmed with desire that I did not want to pray about it because I was not ready to face the truth.

One day I was sitting at my desk, and I could not focus! I felt like I was about to lose my mind. The thought of him was all that I could think of. “I can’t believe that he does not want to commit to me? I have everything going for myself, is he crazy! He’ll never find anyone like me. Maybe if I give him something he can feel, his mind will change.” I was thinking like a woman who was not saved by His grace. I was almost willing to turn my back on God to get what I felt was rightfully mine. The devil is a lie. We are Princesses of a King, and we never have to beg anyone to come nor stay! Anyway, as much as I did not want to pray about this, I did, I needed His strength in my very weak moment. Immediately after I cried out, I felt freedom as never before. The bondage was broke, and my blinded eyes were open. I compare this trial to a baby getting ready to touch a fire, and a parent rescuing them right before they get burnt. He not only pulled me out of the situation, He patted me on my tail and said “I pulled you out, now don’t go back.” When God removes you from a situation, you know it’s Him because there’s a sense of peace, and relief. The guy that I was communicating with no longer calls my phone or texts me, and I don’t’ have any desire to reach out to him. I’m thankful for God intervening as only He could. I am so, so grateful because there is no way that I could have done it on my own.

I am a very private person, but this experience was for God’s glory, and my good. So keeping it to myself was not an option. Ladies or gentlemen, if you are struggling in this area, please pray and believe. When I tell you that I feel liberated, it’s an understatement. I have cut relationships on my own, but to have God to do it is a different experience. He loves us that much to save us from harm. “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10 ESV). My sincere prayer is that God will not allow anymore distractions in my life, I never want to go through this again!! It’s time to focus on His Kingdom, and not my desires. It’s easy to lose focus if your mind is not set on His purpose. “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33 ESV). That’s a promise that He made to us, so let’s have faith, and trust that the mate that God has for us, He’ll add them in due season.

Please pray for me, and I’m praying for you :). I pray that my testimony will be a blessing to you. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Talk to you soon!

L.W.

Your past is a blessing, not a curse!!

Philippians 3:13
“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

Girlfriend, please stop allowing your past dictate your future! You may have had a challenging child hood that you are too embarrassed to discuss, or even an abusive marriage. You may not believe this but because of what you had to endure made you the strong person that you are today. Use it as a stepping stool to your future, and by no means allow it to negate you from advancing forward in life. The enemy comes to steel, kill and destroy. If he could, he would stunt your growth by using your past as a weapon.

We as women will allow ourselves to feel inadequate and unworthy because of where we came from. Afraid to love someone whose background does not look like ours and we wonder why we keep getting the same negative results when it comes to a relationship. It’s a comfort zone, and we find it easier to settle than to expect what we deserve. Once you let go of past regrets, and realize that your steps were order for whatever road you have to take, then you’ll have a clear understanding of what you deserve, happiness. Tribulation was only allowed to make you strong. Use that strength to make wise decisions.

Once upon a time, I only accepted men whom were either from low income households (I’m just saying) or either less educated, because they looked like where I came from. The only thing I received from these men was a low credit score and a broken heart! Unfortunately, I accepted this treatment because I didn’t know or want any better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stereo typing anyone because those were my circumstances, I’m only making the point that you get what you feel you deserve. Anytime I dated anyone outside of what I was familiar with, I would not have any attraction to that man. He would either be too nice or intimidating. If he wasn’t defined as a bad guy, I didn’t have any clue on how to relate! Now that I look back, I was a mess! Thank God for second chances!

Since I know and respect who I am today; I know exactly what I want and deserve. It feels so good to have some reasonable “GODLY” standards! The God in me will not accept someone that is not in agreement with who I am trying to become. I say trying, because I am a work in progress. My Pastor preached a profound message today on this very subject and the one thing that I must share is this: “instead of trying to find the one, focus on becoming the one that you want to attract.” You have work to do ladies, so get to it! Relinquish your past and embrace today and tomorrow.

Ladies you maybe single because of your attitude!

I received a harsh reality from a few single Kingdom men about their biggest turn off in women. It’s not because of a woman’s job, weight, education, bank account or children from a previous relationship, it’s a woman’s bad attitude!!! I never realized that it was this serious but I was informed that it’s a deal breaker. When a man is looking to make a woman his wife; the biggest determining factor is how that woman makes him feel as a man. If a woman is rude, belligerent or disrespectful, that’s an automatic red flag that he’s not looking for her to remain in his life long-term. Who would consider spending their life with someone who has a bad attitude? He’ll always feel defeated about keeping this woman happy. Now I can hear it already “I don’t have a bad attitude, I just tell a man exactly how it is without sugar-coating it. I will not accept any kind of behavior from a man and nobody is going to run all over me.” I use to say the same things before I realized that being confidant and contentious is like comparing apples and oranges. It’s okay to set boundaries, say no and tell someone how you feel about a situation but like your mother always told you, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” God said a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:11 NASB).

I am the first to admit that I have made some horrible mistakes on my love journey that I am not proud of. From disregarding a man’s feelings and making him feel like the gum on the bottom of my shoe! Of course a man won’t tell you that his ego is bruised, instead it shows in his behavior. He withdraws emotionally and even physically at times. If he feels like everything that he does is wrong, he’ll stop trying. If you don’t believe what I am saying, God confirms it in His word. It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding woman. (Proverbs 21:9 AMP)

I know firsthand that a bad attitude is a direct reflection of anger and bitterness that a woman accumulates from bad relationships, personal insecurities, low self-esteem or a challenging childhood. I get that, I promise I do, but there has to come a point in your life that you face those issues head on and take the necessary steps to resolve whatever it is that has you angry. If not, a lot of your relationships will be severed and not to mention the possible health risk! Once you accept that there are underlying issues and identify the root cause, please address it! It’s a wonderful feeling once you are finally free. So when he reschedule your time together or skips a day or two of calls; it will not phase you. But let me say this my dear, if you have a confidant and optimistic attitude, he won’t be cancelling dates or missing calls, trust me!!! R.E.S.P.E.C.T is all that he wants to receive from you and he’ll reciprocate if you give it. Girlfriend, put away your sling-blade tongue that cuts him up and down when he steps outside of your precious expectations. Show him that sweet, warm and meek side of you and watch him transform into the man that he ultimately wants to be for you. There is a king and a fool in every man; speak to the one that you want to respond.

Proverbs 31:26 NASB
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Ecc 7:9 NASB
Do not be eager in your heart to be angry,
For anger resides in the bosom of fools.

Proverbs 14:29 NASB
He who is slow to anger has great understanding,
But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

You need Him before you can receive him

I hate to burst your bubble girlfriend but if you are not content with God alone, there is no way that you will be content with a man in your life. When a woman enters into a relationship with a man, she needs to already be complete in all aspects of her life, if not, she’ll have these unrealistic expectations of her mate. What person wants the pressure of being a god in someone’s life? Remember God is a jealous God and he’ll have no other gods before Him. Therefore, be careful not to allow your mate to become an idol. Anytime you have put your happiness, contentment and well being in the hands of another human being, it’s a form of idolatry. However, you can put all the pressure and expectations on your Maker and His Word, He can not only handle it but He is willing to resolve any issues that you may have.

Prior to my relationship with Christ, I allowed relationships to dictate my mood for the day. If my man did not call me back or respond to a text message when I expected, it really bothered me. I had all kind of negative thoughts going through my mind: “he must be with another woman, or I’m number one in his life, so there is no reason why he should not be available.” But get this, whenever he did return my call or text, I did not respond!! It became a game of tit for tat. I would look at the caller ID and laugh to myself because I now had him sweating. Instead of me being vulnerable and open about my issues and boundaries; I would prefer him to feel the uncertainty that I felt and expect him to understand. Please don’t let him cancel a date or forget my birthday; that was an absolute turnoff! It was now time for me to cut him off completely. All the ringers on my phones would get turned off and his contact information was erased! Until I knew he was remorseful about his actions, I wouldn’t allow him back in my life. This vicious cycle was based on my past abandonment issues and anytime I felt that I was being abandoned, I would take the necessary steps to protect myself. I had a flight or flee mentality. What I thought was protecting myself, instead it was more like making me a difficult person to love due to my unstable behavior!!!

Thank God for Jesus! I’m far from perfect but I don’t have expectations of anyone anymore. With expectations comes disappointment. I allow God to order my steps so if something does not go as I planned, I believe everything happens for a reason. I now treat others how I expect to be treated and whatever I want to reap, I sow it. If it’s love, loyalty and respect that I desire, I give it. I also don’t have an issue with telling someone what my issues are and what I desire in a relationship. Doing things God’s way may seem challenging, especially for us independent strong liberal women! But His Word is true and it works!! If you need direction on how to maintain a relationship, forget the book store, open up the Bible and be a doer and not just a hearer of His Word. It’s amazing to see the results of being obedient.

Ladies, it’s so important to allow God’s Word to cleanse you from your fleshly self before you pursue a relationship. We can be very demanding and psychotic at times! I feel bad for some men because they not only have the world on their shoulders but also a woman that’s expecting him to turn water into wine. There is only one God! We expect them to read our minds and know exactly what we want and need. Half the time, we don’t know what we really want! If this is you, it’s time for you to allow God to be your Husband. Spend time with Him, trust Him to love you and provide your every need. If you don’t know how to love Him, you won’t have a clue on how to love him.

1 Peter 2-4
2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God

Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Abstaining is not easy!!!

Now this an extremely difficult subject to discuss in the Christian community, but I’m going to do my best to be open and transparent.

What I have learned from some of my sisters and brothers in Christ is that not everyone is convicted about having sexual intercourse outside of marriage. I wish this was not the thorn in my side at times because it’s really hard to believe that in this day and age, a man would be willing to wait for marriage to be intimate with a woman. Most men are extremely terrified to discuss marriage! So when you put marriage and no sex in the same sentence, this is grounds for dismissal. Now how do I know this? It’s because I have met a lot of great men and when I tell them that I am celibate, they look at me like the sky is falling right before their eyes! Or some say that it’s great that I have morals and they admire me for waiting, however, it’s not an endeavor that they’re looking to achieve. For the most part, I respect when somebody is honest about not being able to hold out but on the other hand it’s very discouraging. Especially when you know that other Christians are not abstaining and are recently engaged or married. I can’t help but to wonder if they felt like I did every time I slipped, fell and bumped my head, against the headboard!! For me it’s the most horrible conviction ever, it’s so bad that after the act, I can literally scream at the top of my lungs “HELP ME JESUS” and not care who hears me. I can’t pray, raise my hands in worship or have a sincere conversation about the greatness of God. Yes, it’s that bad! Then I have to break it off with the person I committed the act with to prevent from making the same mistake continuously. The sad part is I leave him feeling confused and rejected because of my indiscretion. Then the conversation has to take place, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I was celibate for close to five years without falling into temptation and that’s because I was not seriously dating anyone. The problem began when I fell in love with someone and we started spending a lot of time together. He was really patient for the first couple of months but then I could tell by his behavior that it was becoming more difficult for him to sustain. It was like watching a kid resist candy. It’s much easier to live a fornication free life if you don’t have someone close to your heart. We as women are nurturing by nature and if we meet a man that shows us genuine interest and he possesses all or some of the qualities that we desire to have in a husband, we want to reciprocate our love physically. Let me stop speaking of women in general, because this may not pertain to all. However, if this applies to you, I know your pain! Breaking a soul tie is not easy!

I would rather wait for God to send me a mate who respect and understands my position than to deal with the guilty pleasure. For those of you who are struggling with this issue, we really need to be honest with ourselves as to why we are abstaining. Is it because of a bad relationship? To feel liberated? To feel in control? Whatever the reason maybe it’s irrelevant if you’re not doing it out of obedience for God or because you respect the Spirit that dwells on the inside of you.

Do you believe in abstaining and if so what keeps you from falling into temptation?

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB 1 Corinthians 6:19

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” KJV Galatians 6:9