Your Mom Did Her Best

There were times in my life that I didn’t understand why I had an absent relationship with my mom growing up. She succumbed to the temptations of drugs at a young age, and with the bad habit came consequences. One consequence was me being removed from our home, and being juggled between family members. My stability was removed and I couldn’t understand why or when it would end. No more hugs and kisses from my mom, or seeing her sweet smile each day. Although I was only seven years old, I was dealing with the emotional heartache of an adult. Sometimes it was unbearable. I couldn’t help but to think “Why did she leave me all alone. Does she still love me?”

Anytime I would see her, my expectation and hope was that she’ll go back to being the mother that I grew to know and love. That never happened; instead her addiction became worse. On several occasions when we were in the same room, she wouldn’t acknowledge me. I felt so rejected! I couldn’t understand how a mother could be so selfish and choose drugs over their one and only child.

Eventually I grew a resentment towards her because there were pivotal moments in my life when I needed her. From my last day of school, to the birth of my first child, and not to mention the not so good moments. All I desired was her support and love, which I felt was owed to me as her daughter. “Why would you give birth to me and not be here for me?” These thoughts inundated my mind almost daily, and I had no one to tell me anything different about what I was feeling.

In one of my prayer sessions, I asked God for understanding because I wanted to stop believing that my mom would abandon me by choice. Finally I received revelation that my mom’s journey was not about me, and she gave me all that she had. No one taught her how to deal with the challenges of life or how to overcome obstacles. Her choices in life were not to hurt me but to handle life the best way she knew how. Rather her choices were right for her and bad for me, it’s her story. Instead of me carrying around hurt and resentment towards her, I accepted who she was. I no longer question why I had to endure a painful childhood, instead I sympathize with her struggle. I know it had to be tough looking an innocent child in her eyes, that adored you and walk away.

I’m sharing this testimony to say, if you have experienced or are going through a similar situation, take the spotlight off you for a moment. It’s not all about you. Most people can only give you what they have, and nothing more. It may not be an easy pill to swallow but it’s a reality. Some hurt and disappointment come from unrealistic expectations of someone who could never live up to any of them. Of course you expect a mom to love, nurture and protect you, but if she’s never been taught these qualities or life has exposed her to an environment of pain, that’s probably all she has to give.

Instead of holding on to the pain, learn and grow from the experience and change your story. I did. I give my girls everything I longed for in a relationship with my mom. They will never feel abandoned or rejected by me because I go above, and beyond to express my love and support to them. Who knows what type of mom I would be today if I didn’t go through what I did. God turned around what the enemy meant for evil, for my good. If He could change my bitter to sweet, He’ll do it for you as well.

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Sit Down Be Humble (Jesus Not, Kendrick Lamar)

Here I am walking to my corporate lunch room with my Cup of Noodles, Cheez-Its’ and water, while the aroma of everyone’s food consumed the area, it smelled like some good ole meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I’m thinking “Girl, why didn’t you grab that leftover spaghetti.” Not because I would prefer that over my noodles, but because I start feeling a little embarrassed. Just as I was about to get up from the table, I heard “Sit down and be humble.” (No, it wasn’t Kendrick Lamar) I literally laughed out loud! Who am I to be embarrassed about having food!!!!

I sat my proud self down, added my water to the cup and enjoyed my lunch.

How many things have you not done in fear of what others would think? More than likely, that person that you’re so worried about impressing really doesn’t care anything about what you do. And if they did, you’re not the one with the issue, they are.

I’ve made so many decisions based on what I thought people would think of me, and if my false image would be exposed. I never wanted people to view me as being less fortunate or naive. I faked it a lot of my life because my background was poor and I didn’t have the ideal childhood. I lied about so much that I started believing myself and before I knew it, I was a total counterfeit. My self perception was horrible.

Ladies, I was soooooooo miserable. Wearing a mask is a lot of work. It wasn’t until I met My Lord, My Savior, My Friend and the great I Am in my life that I learned to appreciate the person that He created me to be and not what the world thought I should be. I was finally free! And my life became all about pleasing Him but as you can see, that ugly pride sneaks up every now and then, and I get a great reminder, “Sit down and be humble.”

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Girl, Take That Ring Off!

Yes, that ring is gorgeous but it could be very ugly in disguise! I’m sorry ladies but I have to say this based on my experience, when he put that ring on my finger I changed immediately! From beauty to beast. He stopped being my knight in shining armor and became my highest expectation. Of course we had a great honeymoon period, all smiles, hugs, kisses, compliments and a lot of mushy stuff! However, it was over quickly because the expectations begin to take precedent when I start focusing on what I Wanted and thought he should change. I became this person that I stopped recognizing, although I never disrespect my husband, my demands were high and insecurities were in full effect.

You see, this is my 2nd marriage and I can admit that back then I had no clue on how to be a wife and what was expected of me. Not to mention, God was nowhere in that marriage. I prayed for me and not for us. I changed my last name and I felt that was more than enough!  I didn’t like sharing my money or thoughts. I felt extremely defensive and guarded. I refused to be vulnerable because I knew he would consider that as a weakness and walk all over me. So I developed a “I don’t give a care” attitude. To make a verrrry long story short, we were not as one but apparently separate people residing together. We operated as roommates and not as husband and wife.

I told myself that my next marriage would be based on biblical principles and wisdom. No more worldly stuff. I remained single for 4 years, and during this time I read books, attended seminars, and meditated daily on everything “self help.” I became a walking reference guide. Haha!

All this wisdom was great but somehow I got amnesia because the material went straight out of the window when I said “I do.” I started walking in fear and not faith. I was so afraid of not being the perfect wife and making past mistakes. I start overthinking errrrrrthang! Lol. He would say yes and I would articulate that as “I’m only saying yes because I’m not courageous enough to say no.” Hot mess right? But before we were married, his word was never questioned. I trusted what he said and took it at face value. No questions what-so-ever! Girl, I was dissecting his words and actions! It was becoming really miserable for us both. Until one day my awesome husband told me “If we keep going this route baby, we’re not going to make it.” That truth crushed me but also set me free.

I finally put God in His rightful place and asked him what the heck was my problem. Now, at this point I needed help and fast. He told me that “He doesn’t owe you anything but you owe him My love and grace.” From that day forward my mission was to stop looking at my needs and focused on his and what God expected from me. There were challenges because the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing. I had to realize that before I put that ring on, I was focused on loving him, as is. I had no unrealistic expectations because I simply adored everything about him. Marriage convoluted my love and enhanced my fear of failing.

So when I say take the ring off ladies, I’m coming from a place of doing a heart check. Have you become so concerned with your own needs, that you forgot about him? If he chose you to be his wife, it was because you loved him (good, bad & ugly). Don’t stop now!! If he has changed a little, it’s probably because you have but no worries, he will be won by your good behavior. Trust me, but if you don’t, just ask my husband :-). We good over here. 😁

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️