Self love

If you don’t find yourself in Him, you’ll lose yourself to him

PICK UP YOUR CROWN, QUEEN

It’s so easy to get caught up in meaningless relationships with men who aren’t looking for more than getting their needs fulfilled while leaving you feeling empty. You go above and beyond to show him that you’re that “ride or die” chick. But does he notice or even appreciate your loyalty? You say to yourself and maybe to him when he doesn’t come through when he promises “I’m the best woman you’ll ever have.” But does he hear you? Sweetie, you can say all the words in the dictionary – that’s not going to change his feelings or actions towards you. Words without action only shows him that he can continue to misbehave without any consequences or accountability.

If you haven’t allowed God to show you who you are in Him, it’ll be difficult to show or tell a man how you deserve to be treated. The virtuous woman respected and honored her husband and his heart fully trusted in her. Guess why? In order to respect a man, you first have to respect yourself. This means having standards and boundaries. Her life wasn’t all about him, it was about Him. Her goal was to do what was pleasing to God. When you live a purpose driving life to please God, it would be difficult for anybody to come in and change the trajectory of who you are. When you want to say yes to an obvious no, it would be a an internal battle because your first thought would be does this please Him or him. Sweetie, I’m not just talking about sexually but also mentally. A man couldn’t run any type of game on you because your intuition (spirit) would be aware that it would keep you alert of nonsense or manipulation. Your confidence of who you are wouldn’t allow you to settle for anyone that doesn’t see your worth or treat you with respect.

Sweetie, only Jesus was perfect, so this isn’t about perfection but being so grounded in Him that a man can’t help but to adore and honor the virtue in you – and if he doesn’t, that’s not the man for you. Bless him with the gift of “when you go, don’t forget to leave.” In my Phylicia Rashad voice! 🤣

Proverbs 31:29-31

29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Love & blessings,

Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Christian Dating, Letting Go, Love, Self esteem, Self love, Unconditional Love

When You Love Someone, Let Them Go Free

When I say “let them go free” I don’t mean completely but mentally and spiritually. It’s so easy to become codependent by holding on tight in a relationship – and it’s usually because of fear of losing or being disappointed by that person. So we hold on tight, not knowing that we’re slowly taking away that persons freedom to live, we’re domesticating them based on our needs. Love doesn’t demand its own way and this applies to any relationship.

The realest thing I heard was someone say “You don’t own people, you experience them.” This is facts! People come in and out of your life but while they’re there, cherish and appreciate who they are and not who you expect them to be for you. This is the antidote to not carrying around guilt when that one person that leaves that you weren’t ready for them to go.

I never understood how my mom never returned to me recovered from drugs, you know in them movies where the mom would be an addict but before the movie ends, she’s clean and ready to take on the role as mom. That wasn’t my story – and I carried that around for years and it impacted my relationships with those that I loved the most. I expected them to be perfect, without flaw because my greatest fear was losing them to the temptations of the world. I felt that I worked sooooo hard not to follow in her footsteps that everyone else around me should have the same will-power. Selfish me. It took midlife for me to figure out that my way of thinking was all wrong. For years God has been dealing with me on how to love perfectly – and I finally know what it means to let go of my expectations of others – and to love and accept them as is. It wasn’t easy because I cried a lot and had to face my fears, but it was worth it because my relationships have a new meaning. His love.

If you have an issue with letting go, ask God for help because with fear comes torment, rather you’re tormenting yourself or others, it’s not the way to live. He came so that we may have life and in abundance. It’s time to set the captive free.

Until next time Sweetie!

His love and peace!

Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with torment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be restrained; where there is knowledge, it will be dismissed.

Self love

If He Can’t Handle No, It Might Be Your Fault 😧

We enter relationships wanting or needing a man to be a little dependent on what we feel are our best assets and qualities – and that can be in the kitchen, in the bedroom, monetarily or even mental support. You give him the best of you during the dating stage – and this is all good because he’s probably doing the same for you. Sweetie, you do realize that whatever you did to get him, you’ll have to do the same to keep him – and before you say it, YES, this goes both ways. There’s a verse in Beyoncé song Dance For You where she tells him “I wanna keep it how it is, so you can never say how it used to be.” Even she realizes how important consistency is because that’s the foundation of trust.

Let’s say that you started off as his cheerleader, helping him to get through some difficult situations and now he’s grown a trust that you’ll be there when times get rough mentally, so he depends on you in this area of his life. Two years down the road you can’t say “he calls me for everything, he needs to figure it out.” Why is it a problem now, when this is what you did to gain his trust?

You cooked all of your “top chef” dishes for him when you were dating, and now that you’re married, you can’t say “he wants me to cook all the dang time, he needs to cook!” Knowing he has never scrambled an egg! 🤣 You can’t put them cooking skills up when you went through his stomach to get to his heart sweetie. I’m just saying.

Them pole dancing classes were a priority to keep the bedroom spicy but now that it’s official, it’s back to pajamas and granny panties! 🤦🏾‍♀️

You bought him extravagant gifts in the beginning, and now you’re giving him a card and drawls! What in the world!? 😂😂

Sweetie pie, it’s not fair to stop doing all the things that he felt were apart of you – and your love for him. I know life happens, from kids to careers but there is still a person with real time emotions and needs that’s impacted by your bait and switch.

When you say no, reject or criticize the needs that you rooted in him – and he gets upset openly or quietly, it might be your fault 😬. You can’t spoil a man and not expect a tantrum to follow when he doesn’t get his way. It’s a lot of work 😫 maintaining a relationship but it needs to be cultivated in order to grow 🌱to the next level. Men do get comfortable, and QUICK but it’s your responsibility to remind him of the things that you miss. Pleaaaasse make sure when you bring up the subject that you’re not being hypocritical. 🤔

We as women have to be mindful of a man’s needs on all levels because they deal with so much in the world, fighting battles for themselves and us that we know nothing about. We are the backbone, it’s hard for him to walk without our support. 💪🏾

Until next time Sweetie. 😘

His peace and love

Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Proverbs 31;11-12

11Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

Vaginal Care, Feminine Care, Vagina Talk, Kitty Care 101, Mink Kitty Coat, Self Care

If A Vagina Could Talk 🤔

“Oooh chile that tissue is not the business 😖 I smell the ocean breeze and it’s going to throw me all off balance in a day or two. Ewww….why is it wet? 😳 I’m wet enough, don’t need any fancy wet tissues help. Yesssss shower time, I prefer that your gentle hands clean me, a towel doesn’t get to the nitty gritty that needs the most attention. Ouch, be careful with that 🪒 girl, you cut my labia last time and it took forever to recover. Throw that thing out, it’s full of old hair and bacteria. Nooooooo, not the 🔴 panties, cute but the dye and my lovely juices don’t mix well together, you know I’m sensitive. Can you breathe in these tight 👖? I sure can’t! Tight jeans only cause friction and a lot of sweat, and you know what that creates? Yeast! I don’t feel like being itchy and full of cream. 🥴

Sorry, at times I have to self clean, nothing to worry about but next time grab a no scent panty liner so you won’t ruin your pretty panties with my juices. Do you smell that? Smells like a bunch of green onions 🙊. It’s annoying to me too. Please don’t drown me with baby powder or that fruity aerosol spray that’s not safe for either of us. As if I’m not complex enough! I deliver babies up to 10 lbs, and let’s not talk about the stitches I have to endure because I’m too small for all of that. I bleed once a month, smelling like fresh ground beef for 3 to 7 days – and on top of that, having things stuffed in me to catch the blood and possibly get some crap called toxic shock syndrome. 😩 Then this rough friction that I feel when you’re having sex that changes my form and elasticity. He should’ve wore a condom, sis, he’s alkaline and you’re acidic, now my Flora is upset and this could mean a case of Bacteria Vaginosis 💊. Then here comes that dang bottle of water full of vinegar that washes away everything that I have accumulated to keep myself protected from outside stuff 🤷🏾‍♀️. To the 👩🏾‍🔬 we go! Geesh does that mascara looking brush have to go so far and take those cold duck lips out before something collapses. Bedtime! No panties tonight please, I need to breathe after this long day.”

It takes trial and error to really get to know your kitty but once you do, watch out now because you two can conquer the world, LITERALLY! 👑🐱🌎

Peace. Love & Kitty Magic!

Mecca Lasha ❤️

Dating, Marriage, Self esteem, Self love, self-care., Single Christian Women, Single women, vaginal care

Who Run The World? VAGINAS!!

Kitty, vajajay, whoo-ha, poom poom, coochie, beaver, taco, honey-pot, P word, or thang (my grams name for it). Whatever you may call it, she needs extra love, quality time & attention. You can’t just slap any product down there and hope it sticks. God created it to clean itself internally (stop douching) but what about the external care? It needs more than aerosol spray, soap & powder. It needs daily hydration for those who love tight pants & thongs (prevents friction) and my every other day shave queens 🙋🏾‍♀️. Yep, that’ll be me. Chile…waxing hurts and I can’t risk the possibility of losing sensation in important places with the laser treatments, I’m just saying.

Do you have a daily regimen to prevent and treat razor bumps, burns and hyperpigmentation (discoloration), which is also known as excessive melanin production? Ladies, it’s not safe practice to shave over those conditions without allowing time for your skin to heal and regenerate new skin cells because doing so can cause bacteria to grow and the area becomes inflamed or infected. You don’t want that.

That’s why I created Mink Kitty Coat a company that provides organic vaginal products for the external (mon pubis) area. We have an Organic Vaginal Balm for women like us who shave and genuinely care about what we subject our kitty to. It has natural ingredients to resolve inflammation, discoloration and bacteria. Oh and maintain that sweat causing odor. You never have to wonder about any adverse reaction, unless you’re not following the directions or are allergic to the listed ingredients, in which you can pronounce and identify without googles help.

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

My Why, Courage, Sorrow, Strength, Grief, Inspiration, Faith, Self love, Gods Love,

Find Your Why or God Will

I never thought I would lose the one person who molded my very being!! Anytime I would even think of God taking her home, I would cry like a baby, and I mean that ugly cry. She always told me “grandma ain’t going nowhere” and I knew that wasn’t possible but it was so much easier to believe her. She was my grandmother, rock, foundation, MOMMA, confidant, security and support since I was born. In my 43 years of life, she never left my side. When my mom was on drugs and my daddy was in prison, she humbly filled their shoes. The court system wanted to make me a statistic but Mattie Jean wasn’t having it.

Even-though she had epilepsy, and would have a seizure unexpectedly at any given moment, she never allowed anyone to place a handicap title on her and it didn’t slow her down. In fact, let me try to give her some BS excuse of why I couldn’t do this or that she would quickly remind me “if I can get up every morning and take care of you and me with these seizures, you better not sit here and complain about nothing” and eventually, I didn’t.

My wisdom and tenacity came from her. I had my first child at a very young age but I beat the odds. It wasn’t easy being a teen mom but it made me better and not bitter. I don’t look like where I came from and I thank God and Mattie Jean. I’m making it through this race called life with no excuses, no complaints and I WON’T give any BS excuse.

When she left me in body, I gained a deeper perspective on life and what’s important. It’s time that I complete all God has placed in me. I find great joy in helping others to be encouraged and uplifted. This is why I started Mink Kitty Coat, an organic vaginal company because this area is at the center of a woman’s being and if it’s all good, so is she. My grandma use to always say ”if you don’t take care of that thang, she’ll start talking.” Haha! Next, I’ll be opening Mattie’s Place of Love because when someone came to her home, no matter what their story was (drugs, mental illness, alcohol, homeless, ex-convict) they received the same truth, love and kindness. This home will offer everything that she gave to who God considers to be orphans and widows.

I’m building a legacy for her and our family because everything she has instilled in us will not be in vain.

God is never wrong and if you’re going through an extremely hard and difficult experience right now, just know there is a message in the hurt. If you look pass the pain, God has something for you to do and not just for you but the subsequent generation that needs your determination and influence. Find your why or God will for you.

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Mom, Mother Daughter Relationship, Mommy Love, Being a Mom, I Love My Mom, Mom Issues, Childhood Hurt

Your Mom Did Her Best

There were times in my life that I didn’t understand why I had an absent relationship with my mom growing up. She succumbed to the temptations of drugs at a young age, and with the bad habit came consequences. One consequence was me being removed from our home, and being juggled between family members. My stability was removed and I couldn’t understand why or when it would end. No more hugs and kisses from my mom, or seeing her sweet smile each day. Although I was only seven years old, I was dealing with the emotional heartache of an adult. Sometimes it was unbearable. I couldn’t help but to think “Why did she leave me all alone. Does she still love me?”

Anytime I would see her, my expectation and hope was that she’ll go back to being the mother that I grew to know and love. That never happened; instead her addiction became worse. On several occasions when we were in the same room, she wouldn’t acknowledge me. I felt so rejected! I couldn’t understand how a mother could be so selfish and choose drugs over their one and only child.

Eventually I grew a resentment towards her because there were pivotal moments in my life when I needed her. From my last day of school, to the birth of my first child, and not to mention the not so good moments. All I desired was her support and love, which I felt was owed to me as her daughter. “Why would you give birth to me and not be here for me?” These thoughts inundated my mind almost daily, and I had no one to tell me anything different about what I was feeling.

In one of my prayer sessions, I asked God for understanding because I wanted to stop believing that my mom would abandon me by choice. Finally I received revelation that my mom’s journey was not about me, and she gave me all that she had. No one taught her how to deal with the challenges of life or how to overcome obstacles. Her choices in life were not to hurt me but to handle life the best way she knew how. Rather her choices were right for her and bad for me, it’s her story. Instead of me carrying around hurt and resentment towards her, I accepted who she was. I no longer question why I had to endure a painful childhood, instead I sympathize with her struggle. I know it had to be tough looking an innocent child in her eyes, that adored you and walk away.

I’m sharing this testimony to say, if you have experienced or are going through a similar situation, take the spotlight off you for a moment. It’s not all about you. Most people can only give you what they have, and nothing more. It may not be an easy pill to swallow but it’s a reality. Some hurt and disappointment come from unrealistic expectations of someone who could never live up to any of them. Of course you expect a mom to love, nurture and protect you, but if she’s never been taught these qualities or life has exposed her to an environment of pain, that’s probably all she has to give.

Instead of holding on to the pain, learn and grow from the experience and change your story. I did. I give my girls everything I longed for in a relationship with my mom. They will never feel abandoned or rejected by me because I go above, and beyond to express my love and support to them. Who knows what type of mom I would be today if I didn’t go through what I did. God turned around what the enemy meant for evil, for my good. If He could change my bitter to sweet, He’ll do it for you as well.

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Humility, Self esteem, Self love, self-care.

Sit Down Be Humble (Jesus, Not Kendrick Lamar)

Here I am walking to my corporate lunch room with my Cup of Noodles, Cheez-Its’ and water, while the aroma of everyone’s food consumed the area, it smelled like some good ole meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I’m thinking “Girl, why didn’t you grab that leftover spaghetti.” Not because I would prefer that over my noodles, but because I start feeling a little embarrassed. Just as I was about to get up from the table, I heard “Sit down and be humble.” (No, it wasn’t Kendrick Lamar) I literally laughed out loud! Who am I to be embarrassed about having food!!!!

I sat my proud self down, added my water to the cup and enjoyed my lunch.

How many things have you not done in fear of what others would think? More than likely, that person that you’re so worried about impressing really doesn’t care anything about what you do. And if they did, you’re not the one with the issue, they are.

I’ve made so many decisions based on what I thought people would think of me, and if my false image would be exposed. I never wanted people to view me as being less fortunate or naive. I faked it a lot of my life because my background was poor and I didn’t have the ideal childhood. I lied about so much that I started believing myself and before I knew it, I was a total counterfeit. My self perception was horrible.

Ladies, I was soooooooo miserable. Wearing a mask is a lot of work. It wasn’t until I met My Lord, My Savior, My Friend and the great I Am in my life that I learned to appreciate the person that He created me to be and not what the world thought I should be. I was finally free! And my life became all about pleasing Him but as you can see, that ugly pride sneaks up every now and then, and I get a great reminder, “Sit down and be humble.”

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Dating, Divorce, Love, Marriage, Past Hurt, Relationship, Save my marriage, Self esteem, Single Christian Men, Single Christian Women, Single women

Girl, Take That Ring Off!

Yes, that ring is gorgeous but it could be very ugly in disguise! I’m sorry ladies but I have to say this based on my experience, when he put that ring on my finger I changed immediately! From beauty to beast. He stopped being my knight in shining armor and became my highest expectation. Of course we had a great honeymoon period, all smiles, hugs, kisses, compliments and a lot of mushy stuff! However, it was over quickly because the expectations begin to take precedent when I start focusing on what I wanted and thought he should change. I became this person that I stopped recognizing, although I never disrespect my husband, my demands were high and insecurities were in full effect.

You see, this is my 2nd marriage and I can admit that back then I had no clue on how to be a wife and what was expected of me. Not to mention, God was nowhere in that marriage. I prayed for me and not for us. I changed my last name and I felt that was more than enough!  I didn’t like sharing my money or thoughts. I felt extremely defensive and guarded. I refused to be vulnerable because I knew he would consider that as a weakness and walk all over me. So I developed a “I don’t give a care” attitude. To make a verrrry long story short, we were not as one but apparently separate people residing together. We operated as roommates and not as husband and wife.

I told myself that my next marriage would be based on biblical principles and wisdom. No more worldly stuff. I remained single for 4 years, and during this time I read books, attended seminars, and meditated daily on everything “self help.” I became a walking reference guide. Haha!

All this wisdom was great but somehow I got amnesia because the material went straight out of the window when I said “I do.” I started walking in fear and not faith. I was so afraid of not being the perfect wife and making past mistakes. I start overthinking errrrrrthang! Lol. He would say yes and I would articulate that as “I’m only saying yes because I’m not courageous enough to say no.” Hot mess right? But before we were married, his word was never questioned. I trusted what he said and took it at face value. No questions what-so-ever! Girl, I was dissecting his words and actions! It was becoming really miserable for us both. Until one day my awesome husband told me “If we keep going this route baby, we’re not going to make it.” That truth crushed me but also set me free.

I finally put God in His rightful place and asked him what the heck was my problem. Now, at this point I needed help and fast. He told me that “He doesn’t owe you anything but you owe him My love and grace.” From that day forward my mission was to stop looking at my needs and focused on his and what God expected from me. There were challenges because the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing. I had to realize that before I put that ring on, I was focused on loving him, as is. I had no unrealistic expectations because I simply adored everything about him. Marriage convoluted my love and enhanced my fear of failing.

So when I say take the ring off ladies, I’m coming from a place of doing a heart check. Have you become so concerned with your own needs, that you forgot about him? If he chose you to be his wife, it was because you loved him (good, bad & ugly). Don’t stop now!! If he has changed a little, it’s probably because you have but no worries, he will be won by your good behavior. Trust me, but if you don’t, just ask my husband :-). We good over here. 😁

– Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Love, Marriage, Relationship, Single, Single Christian Women, Single women

Let Him Man-Up Sis….

Girl, It’s so easy for us to fall into this toxic behavior in our relationship of “what you doing, where you going, where you been, pick this up, you never do this, you never do that or you always do this or you always do that.” This is how a mother relates to her son! Demanding and controlling. There’s no way a relationship can survive where there is nagging and complaining. If you’re going to treat him like your son, go all the way. Love him blindly and show him the same mercy you would show your son as well! Unconditional and forgiving. Don’t discriminate. 😉

I know there’s some behavior that a man may exhibit that’s childlike – he’s so accustomed to his mom being available to resolve anything he felt was too major or even minor. So when he gets in a committed relationship he may be expecting you to walk in them same shoes – to a certain extent. Which I’m sure you had no problem with being his personal problem solver before things got serious. Now his dependence on you is getting on your last nerves and you’re starting to see the little boy in him, which looks weak and incompetent. Not attractive. Guess what, the momma role you play is in his life is not attractive to him as well.

I can remember when I had this same issue in the honeymoon stage of my marriage. I was trying to control his every move or action that I felt was wrong or risky. Sis, instead of me allowing him to learn from his own mistakes, I thought I knew what was best and inserted my opinion and doubt whenever possible. Eventually he stopped sharing his ideas and thoughts with me because he was tired of hearing my “motherly” responses. I didn’t blame him one bit. Honey, I started reading books and listening to sermons to figure out how to be his lover, wife and friend again because before we were married – I was all that and much more. This one sermon I was listening to from Bishop Jakes, he said something that stuck with me ”If you don’t stop manning up, he won’t never have to and will remain a grown boy.” Immediately, I gradually stopped enabling him by saying no and ”you got this baby”. Yep, there were a few tantrums but it passed!

No more washing his cloths, paying his credit card bills, making his doctor appointments, cleaning up his mess, buying his cloths….you get the point. The biggest independence I provided was allowing him to spend his money that he works hard for as he chooses, after he pays his portion of the household expenses. Get this, I don’t know how much he makes….not my concern. He’s a grown man, I don’t need his entire check and then what, turn around and issue him an allowance. No way. I make my own money. Nothing in the Bible says this is a requirement, the virtuous woman had her own identity, income and investments (this is another blog). I’ll stop right there. But I’ll say this, me letting go changed the entire trajectory of our marriage. I liked him again and he enjoyed having me in his space. 🤣

If you make him feel like a man, he’ll rise to the occasion. It’s in him. Stop worrying about if you stop doing everything, will he still need you. Yes he will, especially if he knows that you respect him. That’s all that he needs, your respect, trust and the lover in you. He was created to provide and protect, be his help – mate by helping him in areas that he can’t do himself.

Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️

Proverbs 21:9

Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,

Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverbs 27:15-16

A nagging wife is like the dripping

    of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.

16 

Stopping her is like trying to stop the wind.

    It’s like trying to grab olive oil with your hand