Please don’t pretend or deny that you didn’t ask yourself this very question at one point after getting married! No fibbing allowed on this site. It seems like as soon as you come home from the honeymoon, things start to change. You notice some unfamiliar behavior or habit that wasn’t introduced during the dating stage. My rude awakening was my dear sweet husband riding in his truck for hours whenever he had a free moment. Granted he was new to my city, so I kind of understood but I really didn’t. I love being home, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going out on PLANNED outings but after a while, the world starts to make my skin crawl and I’m ready to get back to my safe haven. Well, I thought this was my husband too, he showed me and verbalized how he enjoyed being home too. NOT. I would call him from work to find out what he was doing and he would tell me he’s in an area 20 miles from home! What the heck! I would ask what’s his destination and his answer would be “Sweetie, I’m just riding.” Ummmm, no Bueno sir. I would say okay and let him continue his journey but my mind would be going in a thousand and one NEGATIVE directions! I hated it, and it was based on my own insecurities.
Truth no lie. I was scared! I felt like I was losing my husband slowly but for sure because I kept wondering if he was happy, or what in the world had his attention. I had zero understanding. After many conversations and nagging, I learned that my husband is introverted and he recharges by himself away from the normal routine. He had a lot of changes that happened in his life all at once (mom passed from cancer, new environment and new husband). I never considered that we deal with things differently. We are two types of introverts and I had to learn to accept him as he is and allow him space as well as privacy to deal with his thoughts. It wasn’t easy but with God, all things are possible. I had to first address my inner negative feelings and controlling behavior. Yep, I said controlling behavior. The first step to recovery is admittance right. I also learned to appreciate his individualism and I stopped trying to change him. Believe me, prayer played a huge role in my understanding because me, myself and I is a mess!
If you’re dealing with a similar situation, chill-out and ask yourself why you’re being affected by your “unique” partners behavior. If you wanted a robot, living life as one is going to be difficult. Would you like for someone to try and change who you are because they don’t understand or feel uncomfortable? I realize that marriage is a compromise but love also don’t demand it’s own way. I didn’t make that up, He said it. As long as it’s not a habit or behavior that’s causing harm to you or them, let it be.
Now, if it’s something that’s causing a lot of tension, resentment or your marriage is becoming unstable, talk about how their behavior makes you feel and lay it at God’s feet. Don’t pick it back up! Only God can change a heart, not you. He did it for me, so I know He’ll do it for you as well.
Love has in it no element of fear; but perfect love drives away fear, because fear involves pain, and if a man gives way to fear, there is something imperfect in his love. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment. 1 John 4:18