You need Him before you can receive him

I hate to burst your bubble girlfriend but if you are not content with God alone, there is no way that you will be content with a man in your life. When a woman enters into a relationship with a man, she needs to already be complete in all aspects of her life, if not, she’ll have these unrealistic expectations of her mate. What person wants the pressure of being a god in someone’s life? Remember God is a jealous God and he’ll have no other gods before Him. Therefore, be careful not to allow your mate to become an idol. Anytime you have put your happiness, contentment and well being in the hands of another human being, it’s a form of idolatry. However, you can put all the pressure and expectations on your Maker and His Word, He can not only handle it but He is willing to resolve any issues that you may have.

Prior to my relationship with Christ, I allowed relationships to dictate my mood for the day. If my man did not call me back or respond to a text message when I expected, it really bothered me. I had all kind of negative thoughts going through my mind: “he must be with another woman, or I’m number one in his life, so there is no reason why he should not be available.” But get this, whenever he did return my call or text, I did not respond!! It became a game of tit for tat. I would look at the caller ID and laugh to myself because I now had him sweating. Instead of me being vulnerable and open about my issues and boundaries; I would prefer him to feel the uncertainty that I felt and expect him to understand. Please don’t let him cancel a date or forget my birthday; that was an absolute turnoff! It was now time for me to cut him off completely. All the ringers on my phones would get turned off and his contact information was erased! Until I knew he was remorseful about his actions, I wouldn’t allow him back in my life. This vicious cycle was based on my past abandonment issues and anytime I felt that I was being abandoned, I would take the necessary steps to protect myself. I had a flight or flee mentality. What I thought was protecting myself, instead it was more like making me a difficult person to love due to my unstable behavior!!!

Thank God for Jesus! I’m far from perfect but I don’t have expectations of anyone anymore. With expectations comes disappointment. I allow God to order my steps so if something does not go as I planned, I believe everything happens for a reason. I now treat others how I expect to be treated and whatever I want to reap, I sow it. If it’s love, loyalty and respect that I desire, I give it. I also don’t have an issue with telling someone what my issues are and what I desire in a relationship. Doing things God’s way may seem challenging, especially for us independent strong liberal women! But His Word is true and it works!! If you need direction on how to maintain a relationship, forget the book store, open up the Bible and be a doer and not just a hearer of His Word. It’s amazing to see the results of being obedient.

Ladies, it’s so important to allow God’s Word to cleanse you from your fleshly self before you pursue a relationship. We can be very demanding and psychotic at times! I feel bad for some men because they not only have the world on their shoulders but also a woman that’s expecting him to turn water into wine. There is only one God! We expect them to read our minds and know exactly what we want and need. Half the time, we don’t know what we really want! If this is you, it’s time for you to allow God to be your Husband. Spend time with Him, trust Him to love you and provide your every need. If you don’t know how to love Him, you won’t have a clue on how to love him.

1 Peter 2-4
2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God

Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Abstaining is not easy!!!

Now this an extremely difficult subject to discuss in the Christian community, but I’m going to do my best to be open and transparent.

What I have learned from some of my sisters and brothers in Christ is that not everyone is convicted about having sexual intercourse outside of marriage. I wish this was not the thorn in my side at times because it’s really hard to believe that in this day and age, a man would be willing to wait for marriage to be intimate with a woman. Most men are extremely terrified to discuss marriage! So when you put marriage and no sex in the same sentence, this is grounds for dismissal. Now how do I know this? It’s because I have met a lot of great men and when I tell them that I am celibate, they look at me like the sky is falling right before their eyes! Or some say that it’s great that I have morals and they admire me for waiting, however, it’s not an endeavor that they’re looking to achieve. For the most part, I respect when somebody is honest about not being able to hold out but on the other hand it’s very discouraging. Especially when you know that other Christians are not abstaining and are recently engaged or married. I can’t help but to wonder if they felt like I did every time I slipped, fell and bumped my head, against the headboard!! For me it’s the most horrible conviction ever, it’s so bad that after the act, I can literally scream at the top of my lungs “HELP ME JESUS” and not care who hears me. I can’t pray, raise my hands in worship or have a sincere conversation about the greatness of God. Yes, it’s that bad! Then I have to break it off with the person I committed the act with to prevent from making the same mistake continuously. The sad part is I leave him feeling confused and rejected because of my indiscretion. Then the conversation has to take place, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I was celibate for close to five years without falling into temptation and that’s because I was not seriously dating anyone. The problem began when I fell in love with someone and we started spending a lot of time together. He was really patient for the first couple of months but then I could tell by his behavior that it was becoming more difficult for him to sustain. It was like watching a kid resist candy. It’s much easier to live a fornication free life if you don’t have someone close to your heart. We as women are nurturing by nature and if we meet a man that shows us genuine interest and he possesses all or some of the qualities that we desire to have in a husband, we want to reciprocate our love physically. Let me stop speaking of women in general, because this may not pertain to all. However, if this applies to you, I know your pain! Breaking a soul tie is not easy!

I would rather wait for God to send me a mate who respect and understands my position than to deal with the guilty pleasure. For those of you who are struggling with this issue, we really need to be honest with ourselves as to why we are abstaining. Is it because of a bad relationship? To feel liberated? To feel in control? Whatever the reason maybe it’s irrelevant if you’re not doing it out of obedience for God or because you respect the Spirit that dwells on the inside of you.

Do you believe in abstaining and if so what keeps you from falling into temptation?

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB 1 Corinthians 6:19

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” KJV Galatians 6:9

Are You Wife or Girlfriend Material?

Many women want to be married but are not spiritually or mentally ready to be a wife. If you have prayed for a spouse then you’ll have to go through the fire before coming out as pure gold. Marriage is not something you do just to get a ring or say that you did it. It’s a ministry, His ministry, so if you’re not ready to be the wife that God explains in Proverbs 31, your mate is on hold. As I mentioned in my previous blog, you can settle without God, but you will not be receiving His best for you. Let’s look at it this way; if you are a mother of a teenager and your child asked you to buy them a car, but they haven’t learned how to drive. Would you buy them a car and place them in a position of harm and failure? Of course not! Well, that’s why you are still single because God has to prepare you before He can bless you with a husband. What kind of Father would He be to give you what He knows that you are not ready to receive.

I’ve been married before and I can honestly admit that I was not ready. I went in not realizing that I made a vow to God that should not have been easily broken. I also did not understand what it meant to be as one. I had an issue with sharing finances and submission. I wanted to be a wife but remain in the girlfriend role. “What’s mines is mines and what’s yours is mine too and please don’t ask me any questions.” I was selfish and did not care how my husband felt about that. Did I pray prior to getting married? Nope. The primary reason for me getting married was to stop shacking!!! I loved him dearly but I knew we were not ready for that huge commitment. I was just frustrated with us being a family unit without being married, therefore, I pretty much gave him an ultimatum to either marry me or leave. That was a huge mistake that I made and it was not fair for him or me. Women, if you want to be married, it’s perfectly fine to let him know when you desire to walk down the aisle, but please don’t force him or talk about it daily. A man knows when he’s ready to make you his wife, God will make sure that he does. That’s the kind of Gentleman that we serve. Amen!

Being a girlfriend is much easier than being a wife. As a girlfriend, you are basically single with the option to leave when things get too tough. You are not required to submit or share and you can come and go as you well please. This is a time that you can focus on The Lord and yourself. Once you become a wife, you are in it for life, until death do you part. Did you hear me? I said until death! When your husband is being selfish, aloof or stubborn, guess what girlfriend, there is no turning back! Get this, your body is no longer your own, so when he taps you on the shoulder, that “I have a headache baby” excuse is not going to fly. If your husband puts you on a budget and advises you not to buy a particular item that you have wanted for so very long, reality has just set in that you are no longer single. He is the head that God has placed over you to make those kinds of decisions. As long as God has chosen him and not you, you’re in good hands.

The bottom line is, if you desire to be a wife and progress out of the girlfriend position, let God have His proper place in your life. Allow Him to remove all of those things that are holding you bondage and keeping you from becoming a wife of noble character. Believe me this is not something that you can accomplish on your own. Are you ready to be changed?

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” Proverbs 31:10

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time.” 1 Peter 5:6

Christian Dating – Settle or wait for His best?

I’ve been living a Christ centered life for six years now. When I was converted, I was in a three – year relationship that was going absolutely nowhere. I had a yearning desire to do what was pleasing to God and according to His Word. So, I let my relationship go to prevent fornication and losing focus on my walk with Him. It’s amazing how when you develop a relationship with a Man you can’t see that you’re willing to let go of a man that you can see. As God and my relationship became stronger and stable, I felt I was ready to get back in the dating world. I dated but there was no real attraction or substance, so I broke a few hearts and had to apologize way too many times. What a journey!

I finally met someone interesting with a beautiful personality; we dated for almost a year. I knew this was not God’s best for me but we shared a chemistry that I didn’t have with the others. Because of the attraction I had for him, I neglected to ask all the important questions when I first met him. He told me he was a Christian, that was recently saved and when I called his telephone, his ring back tone was “Jesus is Love.” I was convinced that he was the one. As time went on, we finally had a more in-depth conversation about Christ and lo and behold he did not believe in the contents of the Bible and was not sure about Christianity! I was tricked!! He did not believe that God heard our prayers. I defended my Lord of course but I was fighting a losing battle. The more I explained, the more he rejected. Every Sunday I would leave for church and he would remain on the couch watching football and give me an excuse why he couldn’t join me. I knew this is not what I wanted in a marriage. If he had not accepted God’s love for him, how could he possibly love me as Christ love the church?

My heart was so deep in, that I didn’t want to walk away. Everything about him was picture perfect, but his belief. I had to stop looking at who he could be and accept him at face value. I prayed for a man who loved God more than he could ever love me, and this clearly was not the answer to my prayer. I know there is no perfect person, but there is one that is saved and trying to live according to God’s word. With tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, I walked away and did not turn back.

Many women settle, hoping and believing a man will change according to their expectations or because they’re afraid to be alone. However, being stuck in a marriage that’s not ordained by God is a nightmare, believe me, It’s a daily challenge. Sometimes God will allow someone in your life for ministering and not marriage. We seem to get so caught up in our own wants and we forget all about His purpose. The way that you can discern the difference between His will and our selfish desires is by His Word. What does His word say about the person in your life? Is it marriage or ministry?

It’s easy to be in a relationship but it may mean settling and missing the mate God has for you. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?