Girl, It’s so easy for us to fall into this toxic behavior in our relationship of “what you doing, where you going, where you been, pick this up, you never do this, you never do that or you always do this or you always do that.” This is how a mother relates to her son! Demanding and controlling. There’s no way a relationship can survive where there is nagging and complaining. If you’re going to treat him like your son, go all the way. Love him blindly and show him the same mercy you would show your son as well! Unconditional and forgiving. Don’t discriminate. 😉
I know there’s some behavior that a man may exhibit that’s childlike – he’s so accustomed to his mom being available to resolve anything he felt was too major or even minor. So when he gets in a committed relationship he may be expecting you to walk in them same shoes – to a certain extent. Which I’m sure you had no problem with being his personal problem solver before things got serious. Now his dependence on you is getting on your last nerves and you’re starting to see the little boy in him, which looks weak and incompetent. Not attractive. Guess what, the momma role you play is in his life is not attractive to him as well.
I can remember when I had this same issue in the honeymoon stage of my marriage. I was trying to control his every move or action that I felt was wrong or risky. Sis, instead of me allowing him to learn from his own mistakes, I thought I knew what was best and inserted my opinion and doubt whenever possible. Eventually he stopped sharing his ideas and thoughts with me because he was tired of hearing my “motherly” responses. I didn’t blame him one bit. Honey, I started reading books and listening to sermons to figure out how to be his lover, wife and friend again because before we were married – I was all that and much more. This one sermon I was listening to from Bishop Jakes, he said something that stuck with me ”If you don’t stop manning up, he won’t never have to and will remain a grown boy.” Immediately, I gradually stopped enabling him by saying no and ”you got this baby”. Yep, there were a few tantrums but it passed!
No more washing his cloths, paying his credit card bills, making his doctor appointments, cleaning up his mess, buying his cloths….you get the point. The biggest independence I provided was allowing him to spend his money that he works hard for as he chooses, after he pays his portion of the household expenses. Get this, I don’t know how much he makes….not my concern. He’s a grown man, I don’t need his entire check and then what turn around and issue him an allowance. No way. I make my own money. Nothing in the Bible says this is a requirement, the virtuous woman had her own identity, income and investments (this is another blog). I’ll stop right here. But I’ll say this, me letting go changed the entire trajectory of our marriage. I liked him again and he enjoyed having me in his space. 🤣
If you make him feel like a man, he’ll rise to the occasion. It’s in him. Stop worrying about if you stop doing everything, will he still need you. Yes he will, especially if he knows that you respect him. That’s all that he needs, your respect, trust and the lover in you. He was created to provide and protect, be his help – mate by helping him in areas that he can’t do himself.
Mecca Lasha ❤️❤️
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
A nagging wife is like the dripping
of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.
Stopping her is like trying to stop the wind.
It’s like trying to grab olive oil with your hand